What Every Couple Should Know Before Building a New Home or a Major Renovation
Building a new home or renovating an existing home is an exciting venture for couples. Putting your dreams into action should be a wonderful time for both of you.
It’s so important that you take the time to plan ahead for not only the vision you have but also for the challenges that you will likely come across during the process.
I have not only worked with hundreds of clients building a new home or renovating an existing one, but I have also been through both with my first and second spouses. I would like to say that both went perfectly, but they didn’t.
The first venture with my first husband was building a new home. I look back now and say we were building a home and tearing apart a family. I won’t go into all the details, but we literally ended up divorcing after the process. All I will say is that it brought everything that was wrong with our marriage to a head.
The second major project I worked on with my current husband, in my current 1893 Farmhouse. We doubled the size of our historical, village home. I won’t say we didn’t have our challenges, but the difference was that we worked through them as a couple and are stronger for doing so.
here are my top 5 recommendations that every couple should know before building a new home or a major renovation to assure success.
be sure your vision for the end results are Aligned.
About 12 years ago, I was hired by a couple who were building an 18,000-square-foot Old World Country Manor. The architectural plans were spectacular! I rolled out the plans on my studio table, it extended the entire length. I was in heaven after earning this project. They had interviewed 30 interior designers. I was the one who examined their plans carefully and told them where to push walls out and add certain amenities to improve the furniture layout and the overall result.
What I quickly realized is that his vision of Old World was Versailles and hers was Tuscany. Two very different looks. He wanted formal and she wanted rustic. Fortunately, the home was large enough to work in both looks.
But over the 4 years it took to break ground and move in, there were far too many challenges that could have been prevented had they shared a similar vision for the end result. I was the only person hired who stayed with them from start to finish. Some were fired, and some just walked away.
I’m still friends with them, but it could have been so much easier to build their new home if they started out aligned.
2. Be sure you know your finances can support any unexpected costs.
A good general contractor will usually tell you to plan for the costs of materials and labor to be 10% more than you budget for. Although I think that’s good advice, I have seen clients go above that into the 20- 25% range due to choosing higher-priced materials and change orders that they decided they couldn’t live without.
Most of my clients can afford to spend extra, but it doesn’t mean they don’t get stressed out over the additional funds they are doling out. There is a reason they are financially stable in the first place: they know how to budget their income and manage their investments.
With that said, if your income is modest and your savings are sacred for future plans, you need to rethink your budget. Here is a must-read to help you create a solid budget.
Be sure you are both familiar with the budget you create. Update it every week or two to stay on track. If you are using an equity loan for the project, be sure to have a good banking advisor to guide you. There were so many couples during the recession of the first decade of the millennial who overextended themselves and lost their homes.
Budget sensibly and realistically. I know this isn’t the fun part; I get it, but I also understand how important it is for your well-being and relationship.
3. Plan to share in the Decision-Making equally.
Here’s where many couples can go wrong when building a new home or doing a major renovation. Maybe you think it’s a good idea to have one person in charge of the budget and the other person making the selections, such as lighting, plumbing, millwork, and flooring…but it can often lead to heading in different directions and arguments along the way. It’s best if both of you participate in both the budget and selections.
I realize that in your busy lives and careers, it might be tempting to divide and conquer, but it’s not a good idea if you want the end result to strengthen your relationship. I promise you will never regret the decision to work together as partners and create the dream home you will both be thrilled with, at a cost that doesn’t stress your future.
I have done it both ways and one ended in divorce and the other in a home we still love and enjoy. I can honestly say we haven’t changed anything since we renovated in 2002, not because we can’t afford it or don’t want to go through the mess again. We have refreshed quite a bit of our home as it has shown wear and tear but it’s exactly the same in so many ways because we still love our original selections. Even our kids and grandkids love to come here and enjoy what we created. It’s full of love and character that are fitting to our historical home.
I would love for you and your partner to be stronger because of the experience of building a new home or doing a major renovation.
4. Plan for Your project taking longer than expected.
This is a really hard conversation to have with clients because they tend to have an unrealistic idea of how long a project should take. I find that my older clients are more realistic because they have been through the process before.
I find as an interior designer and often a project manager, it’s better to promise less and deliver more. Part of our job as a professional is to help the client through the process of making selections and decisions to keep the project running on time.
I have found that clients who are more decisive save time and stay on target more often. Clients that are indecisive slow the schedule down. That’s why it’s so important to know that your vision is aligned with each other.
Renovation projects are more likely to face longer lead times because we don’t always know what lies beneath, especially when renovating an older home. I had one project where the contractor found black mold that needed careful attention, especially because the couple was expecting a baby and had to stay with family while the mold was abated. This added a month to their lead time.
Although the project mentioned above wasn’t initially a major renovation, in some cases, renovation projects are easier to work through if you find another place to live while the work is going on, especially if there are children and pets involved. But if you really prefer to stay put to oversee the process, be sure to read this.
5. Keep Conversations About Your Project Open & Positive.
You will have many discussions throughout your new build or major renovation. Make a commitment to each other from the outset of the project to keep your discussions respectful and upbeat, with your end goal in mind. Even if you face stressful challenges during the project, avoid pointing fingers and blaming each other. Blame is never a motivator, and it doesn’t make anyone look better.
It’s best to plan time in the early evening after dinner for discussions, or on the weekend when you aren’t in the middle of your workday. Never bring up project discussions at bedtime; face it: when you’re tired, nothing comes across the way you intend it to.
Stay respectful of each other and what each of you is contributing to the end goal. I promise you will be stronger and better because you did.
I hope this gets you off to a great start to your new build or renovation project!
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I look forward to your questions & comments below & hope you “like” this blogpost.
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Building a new home or doing a major renovation is an exciting proposition. Here I will share some valuable information to make sure it goes smoothly.